This past Wednesday, I went to Jazz at Bar Basque with Rachel Hall only to find the band ended it’s set early to celebrate jazz trumpet player Mike Cottone’s birthday. Luckily we were more than thrilled to join the jazzers and their celebration for the evening.
Shortly after we arrived, Rachel’s coworker from Equinox Fitness, Adrienne showed up with several friends of her own. It didn’t take long for me to learn that Adrienne lived across from my favorite piano bar on the East Side, and that her friend Genie and I both befriended the same cross dresser, Karen.
“You do not know Karen!” yelled Genie.
“Karen is great! I love Karen!” I replied when referencing the demure cross dresser who, is actually a straight man who has a full career in finance, but just loves dressing in women’s clothing.
When we realized that Rachel would do much better without us for the evening (she was getting rather close with one of the jazzers), we decided to pay the piano bar a visit and search for Karen. As I crossed the terrace to say my goodbyes, I recognized one of the party guests as a Juilliard composer who I had gone on a date with over a year ago- we’ll call him Jason. Again, let me remind you I’ve lost a bit of weight lately and replaced a lot of fat with a bit of muscle.
“Hi I didn’t get a chance to meet you” said Jason as he shot up to introduce himself as I was about to leave “I’m Jason.”
I extended my hand and said “Hi, my name’s Jacob- I’ve met you before.” He looked dumbstruck as he gently shook his head.
“Um, I’m sure I would remember meeting you” he said with the upmost sincerity. I pulled him close to me and reminded him of our Central Park coffee date the year prior. He then pulled back with an expression that read both “Eureka” and “oh shit”.
“That’s alright” I said with a smirk before walking off to meet Adrienne outside “Have a wonderful evening.”
As we neared the piano bar, Genie decided that she was too tired to join us and went home. Immediately upon stepping inside, I saw Karen sitting quietly by the bar and took Adrienne over to introduce her. Karen instantly took a liking to Adrienne and kept her company while I made a quick phone call.
“Oh my God” said Adrienne when I returned “guess who’s here?”
“Did Genie decide to come out after all?”
“No… better! Alex and Simon from Real Housewives“
“You’ve got to be kidding” My eyes must have rolled to the back of my head. Of all people to have a second run-in with, it had to be Alex McCord. The reality television star’s antics both on and off-air had struck a sour chord with me before. Why can’t I run into Bethenny Frankel or someone I actually like? After telling my photo-assistant friend about my Lincoln Center run-in with the “Real Housewife”, I found out that she had the choice to have her infamous photo-shoot hair redone before going to support Ramona Singer at a gala event. She famously made the excuse that she had just come from a photo shoot and didn’t have the ability to fix her hair, but unbeknownst to us, she did have the time and a team of wonderful stylists to fix her up if she wanted.
Being the social butterfly I am, I went over to Alex and Simon and asked “Now aren’t you two going to sing a little duet for us?”
“Oh I can’t sing tonight, I’ve drank and my voice is (insert gagging cough-like sound here) but you can see me tomorrow night at Splash!” said Simon Van Kempen.
“And you Alex?”
“Oh no, umm he’s singing tomorrow night at Splash” replied the Real Housewife to which I replied with a compliment on her hairstyle. She actually did look great in person, and didn’t have the crazy over-volumized hairstyle she was so ridiculed for.
“This is straight out of the shower” replied Alex “I did nothing to it.”
“Well you’re very lucky- I don’t know anyone who can step out of the shower looking like that.” I wasn’t lying, she did look fantastic. After a couple more words, I excused myself and joined Adrienne at the piano before we called it an evening and parted ways.
I will say, the couple was incredibly nice and I did appreciate their ability to socialize with anyone and everyone in the room… including Karen.
Glee‘s Darren Criss has been dazzling TV audiences with a sexy voice and a clean cut prep look that has the whole country taking notice, including some very sad gays who are upset that, although he’s adorably convincing onscreen, in real life, Darren Criss is, well… straight.
While examining the topic (ok I was really just googling images and listening to Glee tracks featuring my favorite new Gleek) I came across Perez Hilton‘s post covering the star’s recent cover on OUT Magazine. Perez’s post was titled “Darren Criss Comes Out” and started with the line “ugh we wish!”
While the celebrity blogger did go on to applaud Darren for his interview and television portrayal of an out teenager, I couldn’t help but focus on his statement “ugh we wish!” First of all… who is “we” and why do you so badly want this person to be gay? I mean, no offense to Perez, but I have a little hunch that if Mr. Criss did play for “our team” as so many of “us” put it, he probably wouldn’t be shooting him a text to join him for a candlelight dinner followed by a long walk anywhere.
I sort of liken it to my fantasy that Bradley Cooper‘s sexuality be more accommodating to my liking, but that would no sooner mean that I stood any more chance at happily ever after with the Hollywood hunk than a morbidly obese librarian in Bumblecock Ohio would. I’m just saying, Perez (Mario Armando Lavandeira Jr.) lives in his own, strange little world where outing celebrities and making premature and sometimes false announcements about others is alright.
Though it is now old news, some of you may not remember that the celebrity blogger was cited as being partially responsible for the outing of Lance Bass. When questioned about the issue, he replied “I don’t think it’s a bad thing. If you know something to be a fact, why not report it? Why is that still taboo?” Clearly the fact that his reporting sometimes hurts people doesn’t seem to phase him.
I stand by AfterEllen.com contributing writer Kim Ficera when she wrote of the topic-
“I have to question the character of a man who attacks others on such deeply personal levels, without provocation and for self-benefit, monetary or otherwise….If he’s emotionally incapable of exhibiting even the tiniest bit of compassion for closeted people, if he can’t be sensitive to the fact that coming out is a very personal decision and that the process can be difficult for some — especially celebrities — I feel sorry for him. If his juvenile behavior is his shtick, I think it makes him a much more pathetic figure, and one the gay and lesbian community should not support…If we support behavior like Hilton’s, we applaud shallowness, arrogance, rage and invasion of privacy, and risk becoming what we despise”
I personally feel bad for this man who is obviously so deprived of a satisfying love life within his own “community” that he has to publicly and unsuccessfully “wish” for certain heterosexual celebrities to play on his team. Even if Darren Criss pitched, Perez Hilton surely wouldn’t be catching.
Last Thursday brought us the Season 4 premiere of The Real Housewives of New York and, well… what can I say, Alex McCord is still every bit as annoying as she was before.
The horse-jawed Brooklyn housewife is now pursuing a modeling career which, let’s be honest, never would have come about had she not been of Real Housewives fame. Her latest venture has given her and her husband Simon yet another thing to brag about, again without merit.
Almost as annoying was at the start of the episode, Jill and Alex all faced each other at the same event. Now, many of you are aware with Jill and Alex’s history, so I’ll spare the details, but it seems that Alex feels public events hosted by “friends” are the correct place to air out her dirty laundry, and God forbid if you don’t feel the same way. She was so upset that Jill Zarin didn’t entertain her in sorting out their differences at the event and followed Jill around resembling Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction. In my humble opinion, if you have issues with someone you would like to resolve so that you, the wannabe high society snob can comfortably enjoy your next free glass of Perrier Jouet (I know, your dinner ticket/ charity donation probably cost you a pretty penny), call that person up in your own time and resolve your problems in private. No one feels sorry for you that you waited to be surrounded by dozens of other people to state your tired cause.
At the suggestion of a friend, I ended up watching Skins the other night. No, not the lame MTV version, but the unapologetic, vibrant, disgustingly real British series. I simply couldn’t stop watching and got through the whole of season 1 in 1 evening. Much like Secret Diary of a Call Girl, Skins is completely honest, there is very little censorship, and you see a LOT of, pardon mon Francais, tits and ass.
Now, last week was the US premiere of MTV’s re-vamped Skins. I made it through ten minutes. Now, I’m all for artistic license when re-creating anything. My favorite staging of La Traviata has Violetta running around giant tomblike blocks in a graveyard… I get it. But there is something thrilling about the opening scene of the British series, with Tony waking up in his naked couple blanket, to his younger sister Effy coming home in the early morning clad in the previous days school girl uniform, improved slightly by heavy make up, jewelry and wild hair.
Within the first ten minutes of the MTV Skins, the network replaced Tony’s blanket with a spider covered down comforter, made Effy look a hell of a lot like Jenny from Gossip Girl (post her designer phase) and the worst fuck up of all? The popular character Maxxie, a gay male dancer, was now a lesbian cheerleader. OK bravo to Pretty Little Liars for keeping to your theme and introducing Emily as a lesbian within the first season. MTV, shame on you for not embracing the UK’s intention that a young gay male could in fact be one of the guys, part of a popular group of teens. And while we all love Glee’s Kurt, it would have been nice to see a young gay male go through this journey with Tony, Cassie, Michelle, Sid, Anwar, Jal and Chris while NOT having slushies thrown in his face every five seconds, but no, MTV gave us the stereotypical fantasy of a lesbian cheerleader… how fucking lame! We’ll see what happens when MTV runs into season 2’s “Sketch” difficulties. Good Luck and goodbye.